mr bones

Ah, the ill-fated Sega Saturn. It had the unfortunate position of being released after the failure of Sega’s 32x and before the almost-success of the (dearly missed) Dreamcast. From 1995 to 1997-ish the poor machine was a commercial outcast. Kids mocked it. Dogs shunned it. The elderly could not comprehend it. It seemed almost no one loved the Saturn. But not for Sega’s lack of trying. Check out this wonderful (awful) print ad they produced:

"She's naked, yo! Buy our vidjmbox!"

There are a couple clear mistakes with this ad: For starters, it’s an illustration of a woman, not a photograph. If Sega’s marketing department couldn’t even pony up the cash for a real naked lady, why should consumers spend their hard-earned moolah on Sega’s machine? Real tits for real cash, dudes.

Secondly, this ad is based on the supposition that games and sex our mutually exclusive. I could not disagree more. I realize that this ad was produced in the mid-1990’s, and at the time console games were very much targeted at a younger demographic than they are now. But hell, I was a horny teenage boy when the Saturn was released and this ad didn’t even convince me. Why tell a teenager, who thinks of nothing but sex and games, that the games will make him ignore sex?

Insert joke about boning.

Never mind the fact that the Saturn’s problems went beyond their patronizing advertising. If their ads had argued that playing games will get you laid, maybe they would have sold more. And maybe today’s console landscape would be different! Zounds!

So come on, game marketers! You’ve already convinced much of the American public that games are socially acceptable. Now let’s get to work on making people think game-playing is sexy. And no, the Frag Dolls are not the way to do it.