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Hello friends. I’m about to get my ramble on, but first know this: This post is not entirely game-related, it’s not entirely sex-related, it’s barely sex-and-games-related, but it is entirely Electric Six-related. So listen up!

Electric Six is one of my favorite bands. And unlike most of my other favorite bands, Electric Six is actually alive and performing. So for that reason along they hold a special place in my heart. And as of next week they will have gone interactive. Yes, on October 6, 2009 three of their songs will available for download in Rock Band. Which is awesome. Awesome awesome.

Electric Six - FireThe three songs will come in a pack called (amazingly) “Electric Six Pack 01.” The songs will be: “Dance Epidemic,” “Gay Bar,” and “I Don’t Like You,” from their second, first and fourth albums, respectively.

Let’s break this down, shall we? “Dance Epidemic” is a good song. I like it. It’s not one of their best, but it’s still good. And as the singer you’ll get to sing the line “Your body goes to waste every minute you don’t give it to me,” which is totally worth the price of admission. It’s also a good “band” song, so it should be fun to play in a group.

“Gay Bar,” like most things from their first album, is great. Great great, even. It’s a hot dance-y song, and it includes the phrase “I’ve got something to put in you / At the Gay Bar!” I could definitely see this song being fun for every member of your Rock Band. The guitar parts are cool, the lyrics are fantastic, the drums are great, and I think the bass is pretty good too. Get this song.

“I Don’t Like You,” is not one of my favorites of their songs. And actually, I think it already appeared in some racing game a couple years ago. But that was a racing game, so who cares. This is a music game, which makes more sense. And I’m listening to it right now, and in the context of Rock Band, I think it makes sense. It’s fast, it’s loud, and there are good guitar parts. I approve this song for use in your music game.

Electric Six - Dick ValentineOkay, I’m done talking about the songs appearing in Rock Band. Now let’s move onto what’s happening with Electric Six itself. Keep in mind this is all coming from a guy who is frequently photographed wearing Electric Six t-shirts; a guy who has seen the band play on the West Coast, then the East Coast, then the West Coast again; and a guy who hugged a sweaty Dick Valentine immediately after one concert and almost offered him a blow job. So I’m not exactly a casual fan.

Did you know Electric Six has a new album, entitled Kill coming out on October 20th? Probably not. I barely knew and I love them. Amazon.com has more info on the album than the band’s official site does. That’s crazy. Here’s the description of the new album, which I snagged off of Amazon:

Electric Six is done trying to not sound like their first record Fire, and wants to go home, but can never completely go home. Electric Six wants big loud guitars and fuzz basses intertwined with the occasional r&b jam. With their sixth album, KILL, they prove they can still sound like Fire, but its sprinkled it with what they’ve learned. They can go back to the skull-crushing guitars and disco grooves, but they will be cooked in an avant-garde reduction sauce. KILL doesn’t rest on any laurels. KILL seeks to boldly and bloodily go where it can go where no Electric Six has gone before.

Electric Six - KillSounds great to me. Their first album is still their most entertaining ( although my favorite songs of theirs, “Jimmy Carter” and “Rock and Roll Evacuation,” are from their second album). So any music they make that sounds like Fire is probably a good idea. I’m excited about this album even though I’ve heard nothing from it. Apart from a few songs, I really haven’t much enjoyed their last couple releases. But I’ll stick with them, because, hey, they still fucking rock and they still make me laugh.

So I want to say “Congratulations” to one of my most favorite bands. I’m glad they’re getting music in Rock Band, and I’m glad I’ll get to play it. I can only hope that calling this pack “01” means there will be a “02” at some point!

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This comes from Wired’s Ask a Basterd series. In it the Pittster gives short answers to inane questions, all with the hope that it will somehow make him seem like a normal person. Don’t be fooled! He is NOT a normal person! He may play Rock Band, but he’s still Brad Fucking Pitt and he and his lady-friend are thirty-seven-and-a-half times hotter and richer than you or I will ever be. He’s a King, a Sultan, and a Pharaoh all rolled up into one tight body! Remember that part in Fight Club when he’s got his shirt off and he’s, like, totally ripped?? Man!

Anyway, check out this picture of the dude pretending to use a Guitar Hero controller.

Brad Pitt w/ Plastic Guitar

Goddammit, that’s a nice haircut. I bet it cost $500.00. And is that Eli Roth on couch (in the red)? Why the fuck does that no-talent hack get to hang out and stare at Bradley’s sweet ass? Seriously, that guys loves trannies even more than I do.

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Sonic Sex

So you say Sonic the Hedgehog games are for kids? I think not! Check out this raunchy-ass music video I made about making dirty love to Sonic and his animal friends.

Fuckable.

Fuckable.

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Dear Rock Band, Guitar Hero, SingStar, Lips, et al,

Let me be clear: I love you. There, I said it. I love music games and I’ve loved you for years. My love affair with you began nearly a decade ago with Samba de Amigo for the Dreamcast. Soon I discovered Dance Dance Revolution, and from there Guitar Hero and on to the games of today. But while I do care for you deeply,  you’re missing one thing: Sexual songs!

Needs more fucking.

Needs more fucking.

I know you’re typically rated Teen and because of that you can’t have dirty words, but where are the Mature-rated music games? Why won’t you let me earn points by rapping about wanting to “Pop That Pussy” like 2 Live Crew? Why can’t I play my plastic guitar along with the melodies of Frank Zappa’s “I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth?” How about singing along to the sweet sounds of Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing?”

Surely there’s a market for adult material in music games. So much of today’s music has Parental Advisory stickers, so there’s obviously an audience for it. Couldn’t you feature the same songs, uncut? Mature-rated action games like Halo, Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto are enormous sellers. Why is there an aversion to Mature music games? Do you fear the potential mainstream shock of asking gamers to sings rhymes like “fucking and sucking?” Well get over it! Adults want to sing too!

For your convenience I’ve assembled a short list of sexual songs that could be included in something like SingStar: Dirty:

Peaches – Fuck The Pain Away
AC/DC – Big Balls
Ludacris – What’s Your Fantasy
System of a Down – Cigaro
Tenacious D – Fuck Her Gently
Nine Inch Nails – Closer
Salt-N-Pepa – Push It
The Notorious B.I.G. – #!*@ You Tonight
Cypress Hill – I Remember That Freak Bitch (From The Club)
Electric Six – Gay Bar
Frank Zappa – Goblin Girl
Funkdoobiest – Superhoes
Lovage – Book Of The Month
The Raveonettes – Seductress Of Bums

So there you go, music games. I’ve given you a hot list to get you started. Now let’s get it on!

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